Everyone Assumes She'll Remember: Why the Thinking Never Gets Split Evenly, How You Became the One Who Keeps the Whole House in Her Head, and What It Takes to Put It Down
About this ebook
Agatha Tonka writes for the default parent, the overwhelmed mom who is the only backup system in the house.
Everyone Assumes She'll Remember is about the mental load, the noticing, tracking and remembering that one person carries for the whole house. It explains why dividing the chores did not divide the noticing, and why lowering the bar did not lower the worry. Then it takes apart "just ask me" and shows the difference between help and ownership, the compliment that is not one, and what your mother carried that you swore you would not.
You will probably recognize your own kitchen in the first pages. The story stays with one woman until she finally says the sentence, and you see what changes when one piece of the system moves to someone else.
This book is general information. It is not medical or mental health advice.
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About the author
Agatha Tonka writes about the women everyone describes as easy to get along with.
Her books are about a particular kind of quiet: the sentence you rehearsed for six weeks and did not say, the anger you decided not to mention, the Saturday somebody gave away on your behalf while you were in the next room. She writes in the second person because the reader is not an audience for this material. She is the subject.
There are no scripts here, no steps at the end of the chapters, no phrases to memorize. Her readers already know how to say no. Knowing was never the problem.
She is the author of The Easiest Person in the Room, You Don't Seem Angry, and Ask Her, She Won't Mind.
