What to Say: The Exact Words for 60 Difficult Conversations — Openings, Replies and What Not to Say

Not theory about communication. Not a framework with somebody's name on it. An opening sentence you can say word for word, the four or five lines that follow it, what to reply when they push back, the phrases that reliably make it worse, and how to end it.

EVERY CONVERSATION HAS THE SAME EIGHT PARTS

- The situation, so you know in ten seconds whether this is yours

- What usually goes wrong: the standard failure, which almost everybody makes

- Before you start: what to decide and bring before you open your mouth

- The opening: one sentence, to say word for word

- The rest of it: five lines, each labelled with what it is doing

- If they say...: the three replies you are most likely to get, each answered

- Do not say: four specific phrases that make it worse, and why

- How to end it, and what to do in the days afterwards

THE SIXTY include: asking for a pay rise; telling your manager you have too much work; saying no to a task; resigning; telling your boss they are wrong; asking a friend to repay money; telling your partner about a hidden debt; chasing an overdue invoice; raising your prices; telling a parent they should stop driving; when a sibling is not helping; telling a friend they hurt you; ending a friendship; apologising properly; telling a neighbour about noise; saying what you actually want; the conversation about housework; asking where this is going; ending a relationship; telling somebody you are worried about their drinking; telling a child that somebody has died; what to say to somebody who is grieving; saying goodbye when it is the last time.

TWO THINGS AT THE BACK. A one-page phrasebook of the forty-four sentences that work on their own - the page to photograph and keep on your phone. And an index that finds the conversation by who you have to have it with.

IF ENGLISH IS NOT YOUR FIRST LANGUAGE, this is the book that gives you the sentence rather than the general idea. Plain English, no idioms, nothing that belongs to only one country.

There are no quotations in this book from anybody. Every word was written for it.