Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You

“Breathe a sigh of relief! Susan Forward helps you identify and correct an intensely destructive and confusing pattern of relating with those you love. I highly recommend this important book!”—Susan Jeffers, Ph.D., author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

"If you really loved me..."

"After all I've done for you..."

"How can you be so selfish..."

Do any of the above sound familiar? They’re all examples of emotional blackmail, a powerful form of manipulation common in toxic relationships where people close to us threaten to punish us for not doing what they want. Emotional blackmailers know how much we value our relationships with them. They know our vulnerabilities and our deepest secrets. They are our mothers, our partners, our bosses and coworkers, our friends and our lovers. And no matter how much they care about us, they use this intimate knowledge to give themselves the payoff they want: our compliance.

Susan Forward knows what pushes our hot buttons. Just as John Gray illuminates the communications gap between the sexes in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, and Harriet Lerner describes an intricate dynamic in The Dance of Anger, so Susan Forward presents the anatomy of a relationship damaged by manipulation, and gives readers a clear path for personal growth with an arsenal of tools to fight back.

How can you stop the cycle, reclaim your power, and restore your integrity? This guide gives you the tools you need.

• Recognize the Manipulation: Learn to spot the subtle threats and guilt trips used by partners, parents, and even bosses to control your actions.
• Decode the Four Types of Blackmailers: Discover whether you’re dealing with a Punisher, a Self-Punisher, a Sufferer, or a Tantalizer—and why each requires a different strategy.
• Break Free from the FOG: Master techniques to neutralize the Fear, Obligation, and Guilt that blackmailers use to keep you trapped and feeling responsible for their happiness.
• End the Cycle of Compliance: Find the strength to stop rewarding manipulative behavior and reclaim your integrity with a powerful arsenal of non-defensive communication tools.