I Can't Even Think Straight

Kai knows who he is to others: The good grandson, the reliable best friend, the romantic backup. But he doesn’t quite know who he is to himself.

Kai wants to come out at school, but his best friend there, Matt, stays closeted for fear of getting kicked out by his conservative parents—and wants Kai to do the same. Kai unhappily agrees, but when a rumor goes around that Kai and Matt are dating, Matt starts acting differently anyway.

Kai’s other best friend, Vass, is proudly nonbinary and thinks Matt is a negative influence—though maybe that’s just their crush on Kai talking. Kai has always turned to writing to express his emotions, but when his on-page emotions erupt into the real world, he might just be putting the delicate balance of his life at risk.

Told with Dean Atta’s signature lyricism and candor, this deeply feeling story explores the complexities of crushes, navigating identity, and coming out.

Caught between his two best friends and two different versions of himself, can Kai find a way to be true to his own heart without breaking someone else’s?

• A Complicated Friendship: He wants to come out. His best friend Matt wants him to stay in the closet. The journey from best friends to something more is filled with secrets, rumors, and heartache.
• Proud LGBTQ+ Representation: Featuring a gay protagonist, a proudly nonbinary best friend, and a candid exploration of the different paths to coming out.
• Authentic Biracial Representation: A heartfelt exploration of identity through the eyes of a queer, biracial teen protagonist with a rich Greek Cypriot and Jamaican family heritage.
• Written in Lyrical Verse: A stunning novel in verse that is as beautiful to read as the story is powerful, perfect for fans of Elizabeth Acevedo and Jason Reynolds.