SICK LOVE: essays about duality
About this ebook
Intoxicated.
Poisoned.
And all was related with this illusory story which i pathetically defined so, so often ... in more than 75 books with essays ... as the love story of my life.
Doing it ... repeatedly.
So often ... that i believe someone should come and stop me.
Forbidden me to write.
All being about the inner illusory worlds ... and my journey in darkness.
This darkness which she induced to me ... so often that she made me suffer of a sickness which i could not understand.
A spiritual sickness.
One difficult to be ... healed.
So ... yes ... i write and write.
She's close to me.
Sleeping.
I just can't sleep into the night ... and I continue analysing and defining my thoughts and emotions ... illusory hoping that something will be re defined.
But ... days are passing ... and nothing changes.
She is still tormenting me ... doing it every single day.
On and on and on.
Doing it obsessively.
Seeing into her eyes ... a pervert joy ... so difficult to be understood and accepted ... but realising it actually became ... an abstract form of normality.
I know ... i am incoherent.
I've always been ... and i'll continue being like that.
I know all.
I have clarity related to life.
I've learned theory well ... but on the stage of the real life... it's just that ... i am not a good actor.
I define everything.
I speak about the fantasies from my mind ... but ... i just can't experience those scenarios.
I simply can't.
I am probably suffering of a mental handicap.
... a secondary effect of all what she did to me ... for 3 years into the row.
Not 3 days.
Or 3 weeks.
Neither 3 months.
... but 3 damn years.
I've written a lot ... defining the hell i was living in with her ... and of course it's in vain all what i am trying to say ... but ...
So ... it's all about the journey with her ... on many pathless paths.
Meanwhile ... I still dream.
I hope.
I expect a miracle to happen and change the dynamic of our relationship.
But ... her only purpose into this life ... is simply to torture me.
Everything is happening...being probably ... karmic.
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About the author
I've started to write my first book at 16 ... but then ... realizing i could not publish it ... i've abandoned the idea of being a ... writer.
20 years later ... i've started to write again ... believing i will finally succeed ... but i've failed one more time ... not getting the success i was chasing for.
Another 5 years later ... i've started one more time to write ... but this time ... more as a therapy.
It's what i've defined as ... self therapy.
I was analyzing and defining lots of weird ideas ... that were a lot related to me ... and my own soul.
I totally forgot that i was chasing for success.
I was simple writing my thoughts ... in essays ... becoming this way ... maybe not a writer .... but what many define as ... an essayist.
This is not a poet ... and not a writer.
Or maybe is kind of a poet that is incapable of writing poetry ... but is still expressing his thoughts ... into a similar way ... as a poet.
And is not a writer ... cause have not the ability to write for too long time ... about the same subject.
But maybe i am not an essayist... either.
I am just an ordinary person ... that could be better defined ... as a thinker.
Analyzing ... and defining my life ... practicing this process called ... self therapy ... i started to understand life ... and the way to better paths which i should follow.
And i've wrote ... and wrote ... and wrote ... realizing one day that i've published tens of books .... not really understanding how the hell I've succeeded doing that.
Today i dare to recommend writing ... as a therapy.
I could even say ... it's a simple way of understanding who we are ... but also a process that could help us ... heal our souls.
I personally continue to ... write.
It's in fact ... a non ending story that ... at least for myself ... will probably continue for the rest of my life.
But over all ... i am glad ... i am doing it.
I continue my philosophical journey ... not being able to define myself for clear as a writer or an essayist... but ...
Well .... most probably... i am on a good path.
And ... i would dare to recommend to everyone ... all what i am doing today.
