Queensland: A Too-Sweet Saga
About this audiobook
Too-Sweet, a southern girl with a yen for adventure, flees Japan and lands in the sun-kissed embrace of Queensland, Australia. Ten miles north of Cairns, she stumbles into a wild business venture with her Yakuza partner and an endearingly shady Japanese counterfeiter. Their shopping list? A crocodile farm, a jungle boat, a twenty-unit motel, and—wait a giant bar.
But this isn’t just any bar. Too-Sweet christens it, The Naked Pygmy, because apparently, in Australia, dwarf tossing at bars is a national sport. And why not? It’s a land where kangaroos box, wombats moonwalk, and emus have perfected the art of side-eye.
Now, here’s the twist: Living on Too-Sweet’s property are pygmies from Papua New Guinea. And these aren’t your run-of-the-mill pygmies, they’re cannibals. Forget dwarfs; Too-Sweet’s got her own pint-sized crew ready for action.
Get ready for a novel packed with belly laughs, heart-thumping action, and characters so outrageous they’d make a kangaroo blush. In Queensland, the only thing more dangerous than the crocs is Too-Sweet’s determination to turn chaos into profit.
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About the author
A Life Lived in Ink:
From the Federal Prison System to Saint Petersburg: The Unconventional Path of a Crime Novelist
When asked recently about the background behind my Dmitri Petrov Crime Novels, it made me reflect on my unusual journey. My path to becoming an author is perhaps not what you would expect.
For over three decades, I served two 14-year sentences in the U.S. Federal Bureau of Prisons (BOP) for bank robberies. The federal system is a unique environment, a melting pot of individuals from every corner of the globe. In 2004, as I was beginning my last sentence, I decided it was time for a profound change. I felt a new path calling me, and I believed that as an author, my past would not and should not define my future.
In 2010 I was transferred to Butner, North Carolina. It was a smaller medical facility, and my unit of sixty inmates, and the prison's total population of around six hundred, provided an intimate, and in many ways, an unprecedented classroom. I shared that space for seven years with some truly infamous figures, including Bernie Madoff, Jonathan Pollard, Nicky Scarfo, and Carmine Persico—and that’s only a small glimpse of the experiences I had there.
During those twenty years, I dedicated myself to an intense study of Russian, Chinese, German, Japanese, and Spanish, along with my native English. I would seek out foreign inmates from those countries, intentionally "zoning in" on them to test my language skills. I believe that when you make the effort to learn someone's language, it opens doors to understanding that remain firmly shut otherwise. It was in this unique educational environment that I met a number of Russian vory, or "thieves," in the BOP.
One Thief-in-law at Butner, a man who had his own reputation, was so taken with me that he hired me to ghostwrite his life story. The money he paid me was vital—I saved every penny for my release—but the real value was the education he gave me. What I learned about the inner workings of organized crime in the Russian Federation was more valuable than any textbook could ever be. He would often tell me my Russian was terrible, but he'd add with a laugh, "when you imitate a Russian trying to speak English, you are spot on."
Since my release, that foundation has served me well. I have now published twenty-eight novels across seven different series. But the one that remains closest to my heart is my Dmitri Petrov Crime Novels, which I began in that very unit. Dmitri Petrov is an inspector for the Saint Petersburg Police in the Russian Federation. The first book, Vodka Express, introduces his world, and the second, White Nights, immerses him in the city's famous festival. Red Star is the third, and I am thrilled to announce that the fourth novel in the series, Russian Roulette, is now available.
My journey is proof that inspiration can be found in the most unlikely of places. The lessons I learned—about language, culture, and the complex human beings on all sides of the law—continue to fuel my writing. It's a reminder that every experience, no matter how unconventional, can be a tool to create something new. I am now a member of the Mystery Writers of America and the Crime Writers Association in the U.K.
