Should I Say Something?: The Science of What to Share—and What to Keep to Yourself

A social psychologist and Cornell professor of organizational behavior reveals the business and life benefits of knowing when to say something—and when to keep things to yourself.

Should I ask an upset colleague what's wrong? Should I tell my bestie the truth when she asks about her new haircut? Should I tell my boss about my personal struggles? Should I apologize, even though it wasn't my fault? Should I tell my friend her spouse is cheating on her? Should I tell my classmate I got the job we both applied for?

We all have moments in our daily lives when we wonder not only how to say something, but if we should say it at all. In Should I Say Something? social psychologist and organizational behavior expert Vanessa Bohns explores how to make informed decisions about when to express something and when to keep things to ourselves. Making the case for this vital communication skill, Bohns helps us determine the difference between oversharing and showing appropriate vulnerability, ultimately helping us to find support, feel less alone, and gain perspective.

Grounded in social psychological research, this book serves as a field guide for navigating moments of doubt about whether to say something. Bohns examines common inner conflicts, such as asking ourselves if we should be honest, apologize, or hold back in an interaction. Highly entertaining and eminently practical, Should I Say Something? addresses a modern-day pain point—the fear of being disliked, offending others, or getting cancelled—and offers concrete solutions to help readers avoid “sadfishing,” “success bombing,” “ghosting,” “love bombing,” “trauma dumping,” and more.